Loss

What is it like to lose a child?
It's like time has stopped, but everyone else keeps moving
It's like dying, and wondering how your heart is still beating

It's crying, so hard that you wake up the next morning and don't remember ever stopping
It's not crying, because you are a freak show on display
                           in front of all the people who used to know you, who don't understand
It is like pain and numbness occupying the same space
It's anger, at the 100th person who asks how you are doing
It's lying, and saying that you're fine

It's loss.
The loss of your child
The loss of his future
            His high school graduation
            His wedding
            The children he will never have
The adult he will never get to be
It's the loss of hope

It's becoming a new person, because you can never be the same as you were "before"
It's finding a new normal in your new reality
Finding a new hope
It's grieving every day
It's finding out that you can laugh again
          And then finding that you can laugh without feeling guilty
It's thinking about him every day, and thanking God for the days you had with him

It's a pain that never leaves, scars that only slightly heal, and happiness that, on the good days, covers it all.

In loving memory of my precious son, Seth. ♥